The First Step is Realizing You Don't like Where You Are and Need to Change.

Sorry everyone that is has been so long since my last post. My boyfriend and i have been moving to a new apartment and for those of you who know me.  You know packing and change are not my strong points. In fact, i feel like my head has been in a pretzel all week and i have been anxious about so many daunting feelings.  My brain feels like it is being conquered by life's many what ifs and could have been and am i where i am suppose to be questions. Although this adventure is exciting it is scary at times at well. I feel like the day i left college (my BA that is) life has thrown me challenge after challenge, testing who i am  and what i can do.  I go through emotions of hate, excitement, anxiousness, to a deep feeling of disdain for what the economy has done to our job market and how opportunities have changed. The promise of success, financial stability, and happiness after doing well in college has diminished to a mere tall tale. I worked hard.  I came out in the top 5% of my class in both of my degrees.  I was directors in clubs, immersed into a fraternity, went to the speeches, went to the resume building conferences and networked networked networked. To be here, a year and a little out from my graduation doing what i want to do but struggling with my heart and my brain about financial stability and the practicality of growth in where i am. I feel like I graduated at the top and slowly everyone has caught up and passed me as i sit in the pretzel i call life.  The struggle and adaption of going from college to the real world has been daunting and has still found a way to wear on my heart.  The confidence I glowed with during and at my graduation day have turned into this broken light bulb glows where is shines in spurts and fights to stay on but in the end can't.  Someone needs to change my light bulb damn it!! i wrote this blog today, 1. because I couldn't see past my pretzel this morning 2. because i know alot of other people are feeling the same way. 3. because i want to make a change!!! I know i will make it and succeed there are just some days i can't see if i am in the tunnel that has light at the end of it. So today...I am setting some new goals...some new mile markers i want to hit for my sanity.

1. I want to learn as much as i possibly can from my current career so i can take those tools and add it to my tool box for where ever my future takes me.

2. I want to complete my cook books...well at least one of them

3. I want to build indestructible friendships in my current city and to make this place a home instead of a stop over.

4. Workout, eat healthy in order to gain a stronger confidence in myself.

5. Focus on MY passions, MY wants, and just ME for once.

So this was my rant and these are the ways I have decided that I am going to prevail.  I know my strength, I know what i want and i believe if we all keep fighting for ourselves the universe has to give in at some point. Dose anyone else feel this way at times?